I feel like I’m not good enough,Sometimes I wanna just disappear and never come back,And I’m bi and I’m scared people will make fun of me for that.
I’m scared I’m gonna relaspe. I’m almost a year clean of self harm but I’ve been getting thoughts of cutting again. I haven’t done it but I’m scared I will. Sometimes I just get the feeling and my arms feel weird like they want me to cut them..
i keep getting assessed for disorders and the results keep coming back negative or inconclusive. i never in fit or belong anywhere. i dont even know if my symptoms are real or they’re just some weird placebo. every authority figure in my life denies me being strange or odd. they act shocked when i tell them im being bullied as if i hadnt told them for the nth time. i don’t even feel like i can trust doctors most of the time. everyone always seems so insistent that im perfectly fine when i know im not. even when someone thinks somethings off, they immediately dismiss it because im the only one who sees whats wrong because im so isolated and my parents are in heavy denial of my issues. i want someone to hold my hand and help me through this or even to just tell me whats wrong with me but even the kindest of people ignore my reality. im tired. i dont know how much longer i can keep doing this.
I always feel like i want to cry i feel like i’m not good enough and i’m afraid of what people think of me. I never tell my mom anything so i just listen to music and cry in my room all alone. I’m scared people think i’m stupid and pathetic.
I think i have an eating disorder i have always loved food but i hate myself and i think i’m fat i’ve been trying to cut out food but i cant. I hate my thighs and my arms but people say i’m not fat but i don’t belive them and i just HATE myself. I cry about it to but when i eat i get guilty and i have been counting calories and i don’t know what to do. My mom tells me all the time how happy she is that i’m a healthy weight but i just dont feel it.
I’m worried and scared about everything. To be honest im just not as happy anymore. I’m so busy with my extra curiculars and school and i’m always so overwhelmed and being overwhelmed leads to anxiety which leads to self harm. I have only self harmed twice and they were both time that i was just crying in my room and needed to do something. I feel like my parents don’t understand what i’m going through but tbh i’m to scared to tell them so i keep it all inside. I feel like i’m a terrible friend recently and i feel like i’m losing them but i cant help it. I don’t know how to tell my mom i want to go back to therepy because we decided it wasn’t helping me but i really want to go back to it. I also feel like i’m disipointing my mom and family but i just cant help my emotions in a heathy way and that’s one of the reasons i want to go back to therepy. I also have to keep up with school i have big dreams when it comes to school but i’m also scared its not going to happen or i’m going to fall down the rabbit hole into drugs and alcohol like my dad, i really need help i have no idea what to do i feel like i cant talk to anyone.
Back in the fall I was in a really dark place, I wouldn’t eat for days and when I did eat It would only be tiny portions of food. This wasn’t the first time I went through this, early 2022 I had the same problem. I was too afraid to tell anybody because I thought that people would think that I was just asking for attention. Luckily things got better after a while and I somewhat “recovered”. But lately I have started to feel as if I’m going to relapse, so as a way to try and stop myself from relapsing I have been eating too much. But as I’ve been eating so much the way I see my body is making me want to relapse more. I don’t want to tell anyone because they are going to think I’m being dramatic and asking for attention. And I don’t call it an eating disorder because no one will believe me and will make it worse. I feel so bad.
where do i even start? i feel so mentally drained. ive been very snappy at my family and i really dont want to be, but i cant control it. ive been always around my friends and one of them is toxic and wanted me to do bad things with them, and i didnt want to say no because i didnt want to lose her. i broke down and told my parents about it all. i feel better now that i did but i really dont wantto lose my closest friends.. im trying my best to keep myself up but its so hard.
I had two grandparents die in one school year,one in September the other 4 days ago.My other two died when I was little and I don’t remember them well.I just want everything to go back to the way it was last year when they where both alive.I just start to heal from the first death and then comes along another.I have no grandparents left meaning no more Sunday suppers,visits,hugs and kisses. I miss them so much.
i’m over 3 years self harm free but i keep almost relapsing. my graduation is coming up and i already feel ugly enough with the scars i have. i worry that i’ll relapse right before grad then i won’t wanna go.
I ´ m worried everyone hates me and everyone I ´ m close with is just using me to feel better about themselves. I ´ m a very boring person . . . I barely check my texts, I ´ m worried that my partner is losing feelings . . . i hate my life.
I am worried that:
-I will have no friends because of my BPD and ASPD
-Even after apologizing I will lose my closest friends
-I will feel this bad forever
-I will never find love
-People hate me
-I won’t get a summer job
-I’ll have a bad summer
-I won’t have friends to text or hangout with
-I won’t make new friends
-I won’t get into university
-I’ll be bored with my life
-I’m losing my other friends
the nl mental health system sucks because i went in for my clinical assessment and told them that ive been having graphic and very bad intrusive thoughts and that it’s impacting my daily life and i dont know what to do and my psychologist told me that i have OCD which i was so thankful that somebody finally understood me and took me seriously but then when i went in today and told them everything that happened they told me i just had generalized anxiety because my grades are high and people with OCD can’t pull off good grades. one of my intrusive thoughts are about my grades, actually, so if i dont get good ones they impact me. I’ve been told my entire life that i’m overreacting and that my feelings aren’t valid and that everyone has anxiety sometimes but people with anxiety don’t experience the things that i do and it hurts to know that i’ve been waiting 7 years to get this assessment to finally get diagnosed so my parents and teachers and friends will take me seriously but then all of my hard work is thrown down the drain because they refused to listen to me and talked to my parents about how they saw me instead. i’m all alone and i don’t know what to do anymore
i worry that my ptsd and anxiety will get worse
I’m worried that one day, I’m gonna kill myself and nobody is gonna notice or care. I hate it here, I wanna die so bad.
my classmates keep talking sh*t about me how do i get them to stop?
i worry that i wonrt be able to stop snotfing coxcaine?????
My mother won’t stop gaslighting me. She’s abused me since before I can remember and now I have severe PTSD. I am trying so hard to get out. It’s so hard.
im worried that i will never be truly happy ever again.
I want people to see that im not perecft nor are my grades they always assume that ill get the highest grades in class and they seem so surprized when they get higher then me on a test im not perfect. My metal health is at the lowest its ever been and im afraid my grades will drop becuase of it, if my grades drop then im afarid ill be seen as a faliure and i dont want that. I feel that im getting so close to sh again evem though i am just getting a bit better and have been clean for weeks .